Pushing Through

Caleb is at work, thinking that he's going to come home to a messy house and a wife who's still in her yoga pants. We didn't get much sleep last night.

But when both babies went down for a nap, I decided to push through. He spoils us so much, and he deserves a woman who put some effort into how she looks and a house free of clutter.

I curled my hair, put on makeup, shaved my legs, made the bed, swept and mopped the floors, put on a dress, washed the dishes, washed AND folded laundry, and still managed to make time to eat a healthy lunch. All of that in a 2 hour time period. Oh! And I put some hamburger in a marinade for homemade bacon cheese burgers tonight.

I'm thinking we'll picnic on a blanket in our giant backyard since all four of us love being outside so much.

And because I pushed through the exhaustion (thanks to the man at Starbucks who gave me a free venti frap with extra espresso), I am in a much better mood than I would've been if I had sat around dwelling on how tired I was and how dirty the house was.

Now...to keep the chil'ren happy and clean for a few more hours until Daddy comes home.

Just keepin' it real...

I'm part of a "mommy group" on Facebook where we can ask questions and get advice from other ladies who are going through the same things. Occasionally, moms post "just keepin' it real" photos where they show their messy living room or they tell a story of how they fed their 1 year old chocolate chips for lunch (*guilty*).

So here's my real life:
1.) At 4:30am, my 2 week old who NEVER spits up, puked ALL OVER ME AND MY BED. I changed my clothes, and laid a towel down on the bed. I mean seriously, why waste precious sleeping moments on changing the sheets?!

2.) When morning rolled around, Shiloh had peed ALL OVER herself and her bed. Disposable diaper fail. I threw her sheets in with mine and thought, "at least it wasn't poop!"

3.) When nap time was over, I discovered a poopy Shiloh and more dirty sheets. Cloth diaper fail.

4.) As I'm folding about 12 loads of laundry this afternoon, I stopped to nurse Tristan...and I feel a warm wet sensation on my leg. Yerp. He peed on me. Disposable diaper fail.

5.) Anddd to top it all off, this conversation happened this morning:
ME: "Hi, I need to reschedule my newborn's Dr. appointment for tomorrow."
RECEPTIONIST: "You mean today? You're 2 hours late."
ME:"No. Tomorrow. Thursday."
RECEPTIONIST: "Today is Thursday..."

Yes, I missed my baby's 2 week check up.

Mom of the year right here.

Thank God tomorrow is Friday.

Tristan's Arrival

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT: Dear friends & family,
*Whenever* the time does come for Tristan to be born, do NOT be offended if you don't get a special phone call or text.

The only people we will be in contact with is our parents. *The first few special hours with our son are important to us.*

Everyone else will be updated at the same time, via FB/mass text. Then we will happily accept congratulations and cell phone interruptions.

Visitors are welcome at our house, AS LONG AS YOU CALL OR TEXT FIRST. [NOTE: If you say you will be there at a certain time, we expect you there at that time. We will not adjust Shiloh's nap schedule, Tristan's nursing schedule, or my need for rest because you can't be courteous and *punctual*.]

We are trying to avoid some of the "hurt feelings" that occurred when Shiloh was born. We truly love you all, but family time is more important to us than how you feel you should rank on the "baby notification/visitation scale".

Health Update: High Risk Pregnancy

For those that are wondering...my Crohn's seems to finally be getting back under control with the help of TONS of meds. Being on pills again isn't ideal after a year and half of remission, but I'll take the medicine over dying any day. :) My energy level seems to be returning too, which is awesome because my 3rd trimester is draining enough.

As most everyone knows, I went into full blown labor at 24 weeks with Shiloh. Whooooo....contractions hurt wayyy more than anyone ever let on, and I was *shocked* by how painful they are. I was drugged up in the hospital/on bedrest for the last 3 1/2 months of pregnancy. Not fun. Not ideal. It sucked.

With Tristan, I've only had a handful of contractions (Yay!). Like...very few. Barely worth mentioning. I get weekly injections of P-17 (Progesterone), and they have been working! The job of the shots is to keep me from contracting and to keep labor off as long as possible.

BUT, my babies are eager to come early. I've already started dialating (without contractions - weird, yeah?), and I'm mostly effaced (boo!). If it were up to my midwife, I'd be sitting my butt in the hospital right now on the hell drug - magnesium sulfate. With Shiloh, it was SUPER OBVIOUS that I needed to be in the hospital. I couldn't breath, walk, talk, sit, or lay down without being in excruciating back labor. My biggest struggle right now is that I don't feel like I'm in labor (cause technically I'm not - I just have a baby that wants to FALL OUT), and I mostly forget that I'm pregnant, minus this giant belly. :) Hooray for energy and actually being able to enjoy this stage! That's what I prayed for!!! The problem is that Tristan has already dropped. Little man's head is DOWN on my cervix (ouch!). He's riding low.  And he's HEAVY. 87th% for weight. Shiloh was always tiny- 5 pounds 5 ounces at full term. Tristan will weigh that next week. I've been seeing the high risk doctors my entire pregnancy, along with my midwife, and I've been getting ultrasounds and check ups every 2-3 weeks.

Starting next week though, I'll be getting 2 ultrasounds and check ups PER week. Yes. Fun! Ugh. Like I said, I feel so good, that it's hard to wrap my mind around the notion that babby could come sooner than he's supposed to. Anddd I'll be getting the steroid shots to help develop his lungs. I don't mind those too much. I just want a happy, healthy, full-term little bear.

Dear Tristan,
Please wait another 7 weeks before you make your special appearance. Daddy and mommy are remodeling the house for you, and if you come too soon, your room AND our room will be unfinished. That would really stress mommy out. A stressed mommy isn't a nice mommy. Mommy wants to be nice. Hold your horses!
Love,
Your food source

Nesting-ish

On Monday, I'll start my 3rd trimester! Time is flyinggg! At this point in my pregnancy with Shiloh, her room was painted, her tiny clothes were washed, I had already had one of my two baby showers, and my life was organized.

At 27 weeks with Tristan, we don't even have a room for him yet. Oy. I just made our Babies R Us registry yesterday (we just need basic things like boy blankets, towels, clothes, and dinosaur crib bedding). We're in the process of remodeling our house. Our current bedroom will be Tristan's room, and the back of the house is being reframed into a Master Suite. But because of the holidays, construction was put on hold. I know that babies only need a place to sleep and something to eat (boobs work for both of those needs), but I want my little man to look back at pictures and see how wanted he was - that we wanted him just as much as we wanted his big sister.

Shiloh has a pretty sweet garden mural on her wall that her daddy sketched and I painted. And she LOVES the colors! We want to do a dinosaur mural for Tristan. When I'm supposed to be sleeping at night, I'm trying not to stress about the fact that his walls need to be primed and painted, and then sketched and painted again. I want to move Shiloh's crib to his room and start organizing his clothes. And I want to do this...and that...and this...

I want to make it feel like we're actually having a baby.

At this point, it doesn't even feel like it. *whining* It doesn't feel like we're having a baby because we haven't done any of the traditional American family things to get ready. Blah blah blah I'm so spoiled, I know.

In place of actual nesting, I have been cleaning and organizing everything that I can and blogging about how much I wish I could be doing, while munching on almonds and doing some online shopping.

Struggles of a New Mom: Why We Haven't Dedicated Our Baby Yet

Dedicating your baby: Something expected of Christian couples within the child's first year. My mom passed down my Christening gown, and I have plans to use it for Shiloh. That is, if she still fits into it by the time I work up the trust and courage to have her dedicated. I have a bunch of excuses as to why we haven't done it yet.

We have been semi-regularly attending Caleb's parents' church. I love the Pastor and his teaching and the wonderful people really took care of us whenever I was on bedrest. They showered us with gifts when we got married and threw us a huge baby shower. But it's not our home church. At least, it doesn't feel like home to me. I don't think that we can have Shiloh dedicated there because we aren't members (but I don't know that for sure). Even if we could, it saddens me that my parents live 12 hours away and would miss the ceremony. But those are mostly just my excuses.

In 1 Samuel Chapter 1, Hannah begs God for a son (Side Note: She is praying at the Tabernacle at *Shiloh* This means God's gift and is how we chose our daughter's name). She promises to dedicate his whole life to the service of the Lord. God her heard plea and gave her Samuel. Later in the chapter, we see that she doesn't take him back to the Tabernacle until he is weaned from nursing. In our society we would think that would be around 12 months, right?! Mmm...Verse 26 says that Samuel was several years old. That means that I still have a few more years before I have to dedicate Shiloh. Right? Right? Yeah...

Dedicating Shiloh means that I'm handing my baby's life over to God. That He can do whatever He wants to with her. I'm not dumb. I know that I have little control over what happens to her, and whether I have a public ceremony or not, she belongs to Him. But with the recent shooting in Connecticut, and seeing those 20 little faces all over the news, and knowing that 20+ families won't have their babies squealing with delight on Christmas morning...oh gosh. Excuse me while I sob some more. Too many women have lost babies to miscarriages (myself included), and too many unexpected illnesses. It's my own pride - thinking that I can do better for Shiloh than God could, and my lack of trust - thinking that God can't protect her like we can. Obviously I'm wrong. So so wrong. But I'm being honest. This is where I struggle as a mom. I know that it's not about the ceremony and the prayer and all of that jazz. And maybe someday I'll work up the courage to say "Here God, here's my baby girl." But for now, I'll snuggle her close and thank Him for her. I'll love every moment, even the tough ones, because I'm blessed to endure the sleepless nights and blessed to see her smile so easily at everything.

Family Fun in the Woods

We went out to the lease where Caleb hunts, and took some pictures for Christmas cards that I probably won't have time to order. :)

 

 

 

Family Photo courtesy of my tripod

 

Showing something to her snowman  :) Sweet girl.

 

My sweet Santa Baby

 

Love my hubby and our daughter <3

 

It got chilly, so I put on Daddy's jacket

 

Klaira Bear

 

She always wants to touch new things :) So curious.

 

My babies!

 

Wave hi to mommy!

 

BEST!